Women you think are attractive, but are not

It drives me insane. Why can't everyone simply realize that my universal standard of beauty is correct? First I'm going to give you a handful of celebs who fit this classification, and then I'll break them into archetypes we're all familiar with.

The Obvious (and famous)
1. Paris Hilton
I know that she's universally reviled so this barely is worth mentioning, but she's not very good looking. I mean she has that petite head, and a decent body, but I saw that she wears a size 14 womens shoe once, and that terrifies me
2. The Olsen Twins
Oh how the mighty have fallen. These two at the age of 16 held the hearts of men everywhere. I started college at Allegheny, a little nothing school that was good for drinking. My freshman year a fake website went around the campus like wildfire. This website was supposedly an article in the NY times saying the Olsen Twins were coming to my school. It set the campus on fire. Now I wouldn't fuck them with Harry's dick.
3. Salma Hayek
Ok so I hate Frida Kahlo. I hate that a depressed person who did almost exclusively shitty self portraits is almost certainly the most famous women painter how about Okeefe or Morisot? They are both miles better, and they don't suck. Oh she's also famous for being a commie. More to the point Salma is not a good looking lady. Very gangly hardly any proper curves, and a face that only Sandy could love. Who's Sandy? He's the zoo keeper, and king of all zuss.
4. Keira Knightley
Having sex with her would be like banging Skeletor
5. Anyone on Desperate Housewives not married to Tony Parker
Ok, Eva is hot. The rest of these cougars? not so much. I mean I can practically see Teri Hatcher's Labia (they've become conscious hence the proper noun) coming out of her Capri pants.

The Archetypes
1. Rich Girls with too much time and money
stop with the $400 facials, and the more expensive accessories. If you weren't so fucking ugly you wouldn't spend all that time trying to make yourself look like you belong in Star magazine. You don't. Yes your bag is nice, and yes you still must develope a personality
2. Petite Jewish Girls
Hey! Now that's what I want in a partner, whiny. Also you looked better with curly hair, and no anorexia.
3. Skinny Tall Blond Girl I see everyday
You have no ass, no tits, and an ehh face. I see you every day, and because I'm desperate and pathetic I usually smile and say hello. You never do back. I hate you. Also if Jon tells me how hot you are again I'll lose control over my bowels.
4. Most Slanted Asians (this means koreans, north western chinese, and japanese. I don't know many others)
Ok so you win the hair and skin battle. You lose the ass, tits, personality, and most every other battle. Also I always found it really odd how the asian kids I knew hung out only with other asian kids. I try to avoid jews from sq. hill (or do they avoid me?) why can't we be a melting pot? ok enough of that. You are almost universally over rated. We're talking Chris Benson territory here. Also you all look the same.
5. Most Every Latin Girl I know
So you've got some curves. Good for you. You still aren't very pretty, and you really could stand to lose about 25 lbs worth of those curves. Nice tits though